Household Policy Vs. School Board Policy

Times have really changed since we were in school. Many of us grew up receiving this type of parental advice: "If somebody hits you, you need to hit him back." When the combatants reached the Principal's office, priority was placed on determining who started the fight. Often, the person who started the fight "got what he deserved" in the eyes of school personnel and parents. The combatants shook hands, there were no school suspensions, and it was business as usual the next day.

Predictably, today's parents often provide the same advice to their children that their parents gave them. The concept of schoolyard justice prevails. Unfortunately, while the message children receive at home remains the same, the message they get at school is radically different. Many school divisions have zero tolerance policies for fighting. Both combatants will be suspended, regardless of who started the fight. Criminal charges may follow. Out-of-school suspensions become part of a student's permanent record and can negatively impact their grades and future educational opportunities. Where fellow students used to help break up fights in the past, they're just as apt now to pull out a cell phone, film the whole ordeal, and post it on YouTube.

So how do we deal with this conundrum? The rules at home and in the neighborhood are different than the ones at school. This can be very confusing for children.

We need to teach students and parents that, yes, the rules are different, and, yes, it's o.k. to admit and accept that. School is a formal place -- a place of learning. It's no different from the workplace. Unless you're a NASCAR driver, it is not socially acceptable to fight at work, for any reason. Explain to children that if their parents got into a fight at work they would be fired. It's o.k. to have two sets of rules. Adults understand that you conduct yourself differently in a formal situation than in an informal situation. This concept, taught correctly and consistently reinforced, should clear up any confusion.