The term has developed such negative connotations over time. But what does it really mean? Peer pressure describes a developmental stage that takes place during adolescence and teen years. During that time, kids care most about two things: 1.) Their appearance, and 2.) What their friends think. Because they care what their friends think, peer pressure becomes a reality.
I tell parents all the time: "You can't fight nature." Peer pressure will occur, and as a parent you have to be smart enough to handle it the right way. Peer pressure can just as easily be a positive thing. Encourage your child to get involved in extracurricular activities, clubs, and sports. They'll meet and make friends with other children whose parents share your same interests and values...and they'll be influenced by them.
So don't tackle this problem head-on. Don't give ultimatums or back kids into a corner. Remember, we're supposed to be smarter (and wiser) than them. Good luck!
Friday, January 8, 2010
"We don't see that behavior at home..."
Please! The parent who utters those words in the midst of a parent/teacher conference instantly loses all credibility with their child's teachers. Of course you see that behavior at home. The difference is: while that behavior may be acceptable at home, it's not acceptable at school.
The goal of a parent/teacher conference is for all of the adults present to agree on what is in the best interests of the child and to create a corresponding plan of action. When dealing with a child who is experiencing behavioral difficulties, it is imperative that adults present a united front. Failure to do so allows a child to play one adult against another. The parents and teachers, functioning as a team, will be successful.
School/home communication is essential and is much more likely to occur if teachers and parents are on the same page. Children want to do well in school and appreciate structure and consistency. I ask kids, "Are you stressed out? Do you wish that all the adults at home and at school would get off your back? Then all you need to do is try hard in school. As long as your giving your best effort, you can't fail and everyone will be happy."
I've seen and been a part of many success stories using this approach. Being a parent is not easy. Let your child's teachers help you. If you choose not to, you'll find the same pattern repeating itself year after year. This year's teachers will be telling you the same thing as last year's teachers...and you'll be telling them that you don't see that behavior at home...
The goal of a parent/teacher conference is for all of the adults present to agree on what is in the best interests of the child and to create a corresponding plan of action. When dealing with a child who is experiencing behavioral difficulties, it is imperative that adults present a united front. Failure to do so allows a child to play one adult against another. The parents and teachers, functioning as a team, will be successful.
School/home communication is essential and is much more likely to occur if teachers and parents are on the same page. Children want to do well in school and appreciate structure and consistency. I ask kids, "Are you stressed out? Do you wish that all the adults at home and at school would get off your back? Then all you need to do is try hard in school. As long as your giving your best effort, you can't fail and everyone will be happy."
I've seen and been a part of many success stories using this approach. Being a parent is not easy. Let your child's teachers help you. If you choose not to, you'll find the same pattern repeating itself year after year. This year's teachers will be telling you the same thing as last year's teachers...and you'll be telling them that you don't see that behavior at home...
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Household Policy Vs. School Board Policy
Times have really changed since we were in school. Many of us grew up receiving this type of parental advice: "If somebody hits you, you need to hit him back." When the combatants reached the Principal's office, priority was placed on determining who started the fight. Often, the person who started the fight "got what he deserved" in the eyes of school personnel and parents. The combatants shook hands, there were no school suspensions, and it was business as usual the next day.
Predictably, today's parents often provide the same advice to their children that their parents gave them. The concept of schoolyard justice prevails. Unfortunately, while the message children receive at home remains the same, the message they get at school is radically different. Many school divisions have zero tolerance policies for fighting. Both combatants will be suspended, regardless of who started the fight. Criminal charges may follow. Out-of-school suspensions become part of a student's permanent record and can negatively impact their grades and future educational opportunities. Where fellow students used to help break up fights in the past, they're just as apt now to pull out a cell phone, film the whole ordeal, and post it on YouTube.
So how do we deal with this conundrum? The rules at home and in the neighborhood are different than the ones at school. This can be very confusing for children.
We need to teach students and parents that, yes, the rules are different, and, yes, it's o.k. to admit and accept that. School is a formal place -- a place of learning. It's no different from the workplace. Unless you're a NASCAR driver, it is not socially acceptable to fight at work, for any reason. Explain to children that if their parents got into a fight at work they would be fired. It's o.k. to have two sets of rules. Adults understand that you conduct yourself differently in a formal situation than in an informal situation. This concept, taught correctly and consistently reinforced, should clear up any confusion.
Predictably, today's parents often provide the same advice to their children that their parents gave them. The concept of schoolyard justice prevails. Unfortunately, while the message children receive at home remains the same, the message they get at school is radically different. Many school divisions have zero tolerance policies for fighting. Both combatants will be suspended, regardless of who started the fight. Criminal charges may follow. Out-of-school suspensions become part of a student's permanent record and can negatively impact their grades and future educational opportunities. Where fellow students used to help break up fights in the past, they're just as apt now to pull out a cell phone, film the whole ordeal, and post it on YouTube.
So how do we deal with this conundrum? The rules at home and in the neighborhood are different than the ones at school. This can be very confusing for children.
We need to teach students and parents that, yes, the rules are different, and, yes, it's o.k. to admit and accept that. School is a formal place -- a place of learning. It's no different from the workplace. Unless you're a NASCAR driver, it is not socially acceptable to fight at work, for any reason. Explain to children that if their parents got into a fight at work they would be fired. It's o.k. to have two sets of rules. Adults understand that you conduct yourself differently in a formal situation than in an informal situation. This concept, taught correctly and consistently reinforced, should clear up any confusion.
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